It seems that our kids today are
growing up lacking in the all too important skills of critical thinking and
reasoning. What is to blame for this
decline? Is it the omnipresent technological
distractions we’ve created? One can make
the argument that the youth who’ve never known a world without the internet
have become the ‘cut-and-paste’ generation.
They’re part of the “go to the freezer and get the box”
regurgitation-nation. I’m sure it’s a
factor. However, I’m placing my blame
on the schools. No, no, no; not the
teachers. They do the best they can with
what walks in the door. I’m directing my
first shot down the corridor.
Specifically to the cafeteria.
That’s right, lunch-lady, I put the blame on YOU! How can you expect the kids to pay attention
if you’re not? Sales transactions are a
perfect arena for practical math exercises.
How many of these do you sell a slice of pizza for? The answer is zero of course!
(Yep, they actually accepted this bill.)
I was out on the prowl the other day, cruising the dirty boulevard, when I came upon a parked car with a custom plate. A lot of people like the personalized plates today. Even I have one. As states go, California surprisingly ranks only 22nd in percentage of vanity license plates issued. (#1 is Virginia.) Anyway, this guy felt like he had a statement to make about his ride. I tried to decode the meaning of it in my head. Then, as I passed by, I got a better look at the ride itself.
Ohhh. Nice touch..
Just the other day I was dispatched to a car accident at a busy intersection. I found the two parties still in their cars stopped in the middle of the left turn lane at said intersection. The cars looked drivable so I directed our unlucky motorists to pull over at a gas station across the street. I followed them over to sort things out. The next thing I know, the two drivers, an older man and woman, began yelling at each other in heavily accented English. The man said he was stopped at the red light and the woman rear-ended him. Furiously, the woman retorted that she was in fact stopped at the light, when the man backed up into her! The man fired back that he did no such thing, that it was her.
“Whoa!” I looked at the front of the woman’s car, a brand new Camry with a pristine front-end. I asked her where the damage was. “There no damage!” she said angrily. I asked the man where the damage was to the back of his Jeep Cherokee. “It not damage!” he said.” WTF? I asked them, if there’s no damage, then what was the problem? He was mad that she said it was his fault, while she was mad that he said it was her fault. Neither of them wanted anything done. They just wanted to be right. Discuss...
Our confused youth of the day walked into the vice principal’s office of a local high school early one morning. He said he was frustrated with school and angry. He felt he should tell someone about this. He also wanted to turn in the knife that he had brought to school. You see, this lost soul was so upset, he had decided to look for someone to stab on the way to school. He confessed that couldn’t find anyone on the street or on campus to be on his receiving end. So he handed over the grip-taped Ginsu to the administrator.
He felt that sitting in class was a waste of his
time. He wanted to learn a job skill and
start making money. He said that he
wanted to learn how to cut hair. He
figured that wouldn’t take more than a month to learn.
Did I mention that he tried to kick out the
windows of the patrol car when he was taken in for a mental evaluation? Anyone willing to visit him when he's out and practicing at the barber college?
So, I’m out on the prowl the other day, as usual, looking for scofflaws and villains. I’m driving in traffic, when I see the above license plate on a big SUV. I was appalled. I did a double take. Some guy actually put this on his car? I mean what kind of caveman gets “TNA 4 FUN” as a license plate? Is he for real? And what’s with the DMV? I thought they actually screened these chumps’ vanity plate submissions before pressing them out.
That’s when I noticed the stickers on the license plate... May! He’s got expired registration! That’s it, time for an enforcement stop. That’s right, you buddy, pull it over. So I make the stop and walk up to the driver… a very buxom Filipina. Whoa. Uhh. Whoa. After a minute or two I recalled my own name and started to remember where I was. Oh ya, I pulled this car over! And then I remembered to warn her about her registration status.
Blame the tobacco companies. Their addictive product has claimed yet another life. This time the departed was only a 12-year-old. Well, it was a 1996 Toyota Camry actually. Our bonehead of the day needed another smoke. His ashtray was already over flowing, so he used a styrofoam cup for his back-up butt receptacle. When he arrived at the store here, he snuffed the Marlboro in the cup…or so he thought. I guess he’ll really need to walk a mile for his next Camel. The radio still comes in clear as a bell though, it's the strangest thing...
The other day one of my fellow blue team
brothers made a traffic stop. It turned out that the driver was unlicensed. And as it goes, this
poor sap was gonna get his car impounded for his sins. I showed up to
help my compadre. I found myself oddly conflicted when I got there.
As you see, he had stopped a black '79 Trans Am. I recalled a favorite flick from my youth, the classic Smokey and the Bandit. I was confused and suddenly sympathetic. How could I not support the great Bandit? Was I now in alliance with the vile Buford T. Justice ?? I waited a moment and the feeling passed. Nice car, though.
In order to kick my day into gear I start off with cup at Starbucks. So I went in to get my usual Grande. Imagine my surprise when they served me up with the red seasonal “holiday” cup. It’s the one with the snow and the ice skaters on it. It’s October 26th! I haven’t even carved a pumpkin for Halloween yet. What's with Christmas rush starting so early? It’s not the sacrilege of Christmas consumerism, I can handle that, everybody has to pay the bills. I’m just saying; give me time to digest my holidays in order already.
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